I seem to be getting some flack from people who do not get a notification email from Charitableliving as they do show up as a “post” and wonder what they’ve missed and why. Dave also preferred the “Cookie Crumbs” from Twitter, as being more succinct and less wandering around with a lot of Drivel. Some may still be called “Drivel” when they really are more Drivel than content, so back to notification emails for you!!! And more pictures… And more Cookie Crumbs.
Back on Chemo:
When I think about it, it’s a little scary; I was actually off of any kind of treatment for two whole months – and did not die! I was sure I would be dead in two months without treatment. This must be why the Dr. is so dead set against giving any proclamations about length of life. By now, he knows better.
We spent those two months scrambling, trying to get on to three different clinical trials, failing in every instance. Most require a three- to – four week wash out time, the normal time between any treatment any but that next 4 weeks as we went through the rig-a-marole for another trial, could be agonizing as we waited for the final verdict each time. The last treatment of chemo was, by now Aug. 1st, 2011, making it seem a bit too long not to panic if nothing happened anytime soon. -The last time that panicky feeling happened, we started on Gemzar – which is why I then didn’t qualify for that trial, possibly our best overall chance of a real cure… But of course – we didn’t know then. It’s always been a balancing act between what can be done sooner and what can take a while to get ducks in a row for a later option. What might be a better option, truer option.
I have never been a patient person, and Dave has never been one to give up. That makes for makes some rather difficult decision making, even between just two of us. How far are we going to go before we decide “enough is enough!”. How long and hard am I going to “fight” before I decide to simply “let go and let God”?
- Until I loose bowel and bladder control and have diarrhea instead of constipation?
- Sleep 90% of the time
- Can’t track a conversation
- Can’t make a decision
- Can’t go outside the house
- Look terrible/emaciated and like “death warmed over”
- Have absolutely no strength at all, have to be carried everywhere
- Lie/sleep with my mouth open all the time
Will add more more later, – is very hard to hang on to a thought! I think I got two sentences written correctly this morning.