Well, I don’t say that anymore!
Now, I wonder, how we can be so UNLUCKY?
A year ago, walking the rail on the 10th street bridge, able to balance all the way!
Even though there is so much we don’t understand – especially about our oh-so-bad, “perfect-timing” that (un-beknowns’t-to -us):
- had us making decisions, that made us ineligible for clinical trials,
- or miss opportunities by those few days when my blood counts decided to fall?
- disqualify ourselves from our first choice clinical trial by trying one – more – thing, because we felt so pressed for time to DO SOMETHING, anything, asap.
- getting cancer about a year too early for several, very promising therapies, especially the T-cell ones.
How is it that I just happened to be in that rare 1.5 percent of ovarian cancer patients who metastasize to the bones?
Good questions, no answers. How about the flip side?
- Who pray for us in seven different religions.
- Who offer to help in any way that is needed.
- Who donate time, money, food and other resources (heart and soul) to carry us through each day.
- Who send funny/encouraging/uplifting/upper-cards every week.
- Who will walk with us till the end?
- Who will support Dave and Abra & her family after I am gone.
- Who will remember them at Thanksgiving, Christmas, my birthday, mother’s day – all those painful holidays in the first few years.
- Who will love my grandchildren
- Who will invite Dave to Teeter Rock to see the wild horses, to hike, camp, to do the kind of things we loved to do.
Thanks to the many, many people far – and – wide who are holding us close in their hearts and lifting us up to God. We feel loved and cared for. We feel safe in the presence of a living, loving God as we continue to live Day-by- Day. Yesterday I asked Dave if I complained or whined too much? His response, was a strong “No”, given what I have to “suffer”. Well, the problem is, on a day-day basis, I don’t feel like I’m suffering unless I’m actually in pain. And this week, the pain level has been pretty manageable, so, “Am I suffering?”
I think, if I live Day- to Day, I’m not really suffering, especially not today when I got up, showered and dressed early, and was able to start working on finishing this post – as long as I’m not in unmanageable pain. If I can live in the moment, I do pretty well. This is where that adult ADHD comes in helpful! This is where your daily prayers make the difference. This is where not having a lot of emotional baggage weighing me down makes such a difference; I continue to scan my conscience and invite you to scan your heart too for hurts I have caused you that you would like to have resolved. This is where being honest at this stage of life is really important. It’s not about guilt, its about freedom from guilt.When someone calls or writes and apologizes for not having kept in touch or coming by/calling earlier, it’s a great joy to just say, “No guilt!” This is not a time for making people feel guilty about what they have not done! It’s a time for affirming what you have done, andthat you have loved – even without keeping in contact over the years. Focusing on gratitude and enjoying what is, this is what helps me live day-to day and not suffer.
Let’s get through these last weeks … With your love and support, we will.
P.S. For those of you want to make contact and/or who live a distance away and really want to see me before I die, now is the time. I can’t promise lodging, I can’t promise I’ll be able to visit for a long time or go do anything with you, but I would love to see you too. I expect to see folks around Bethel’s Fall Fest, and that may be a good time for many of you to catch up with a number of people. It may be best to email or call ahead and check-in a gain at the last minute.
We also hope to celebrate our 33 and a 1/3 anniversary with a reception/faspa sometime around the 24th of Oct. (not on the Monday).
Given the number of visitors to the site to view this post, I think I did not send out a new post notification by email, hence, a small change here and there, and the opportunity to “notify” you of this post. I am, however, sorry to clog your inbox… or your rss feed… but I can’t get it to notify subscribers!