Today, I wake up again at two-something in the night and come downstairs. My stomach is complaining and, as it resembles hunger, I eat a bowl of granola. I step outside in the full moon and listen to the coyotes’ enthusiastic chorus from the pasture. I decide to come back in, it’s been a long time since I’ve been a country girl.
I fill out the paperwork for my first doctor’s appointment this afternoon in Wichita. There are lots of blanks: Employment, Spouse’s employment, Primary insurance, Secondary insurance. I start the Social Security Disability application. “Please list any doctors, hospitals, clinics, therapists, or emergency rooms you have visited because of your conditions.” I skip the one that called it Irritable Bowel Syndrome and list the last four doctors I saw in India. Do you think Social Security will call them? “Please list any medicines you take and why you take them.” I list taxol and carboplatin as well as those to lessen the side effects. “Please list any medical tests you had or are going to have in the future.” I list sixteen, including three ultrasounds, an MRI, a PET, a mammogram, colonoscopy, fractional curretage (endometrial biopsy), omental biopsy, EKG and pap smear. The first two sonograms in May and early June are “normal”. I organize all of my medical reports in plastic sleeves by date, most recent on top, into a new three-ring binder. I notice that while, the earliest biopsy result is positive for endometrial cancer, my discharge from MAX Hospital lists my diagnosis as ovarian cancer. I remember that I need to take the actual x-rays, MRI’s and PET negatives and CDs, as well as actual endometrial biopsy slides with me this afternoon.
At a quarter after six, I step outside again. It’s cool, there’s an owl in Elena’s shelter belt of trees, near the road. Larry and Carol are up. The sky is lightening up, but the sun is nowhere near up. I debate going back to bed. Why do I keep waking up in the middle of the night? It happened in India before we left. There, I just got up and started emailing family and friends on this side of the world. Without internet, I find other things to do. I drink red grape juice and eat dark chocolate. I really, really wonder what Dr. Delmore is going to say. I wonder if it has continued to spread in spite of the first round of chemotherapy. I wonder what my “chances” really are.
It’s a glorious morning, the overnight low was in the 50′s – downright cool for KS in August.
When we were at Woodstock in the ’90s, there was a staff member who cut hair. When she cut mine, she said, “You’d look good with a shaved head”. Well, what do you think? Click on the photo to see it larger, click the link for the album underneath the photo to see the whole album.
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| From Back home Aug 2010 |
Off to see the doc this afternoon – will report as soon as we can.
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